This Aussie flu is hitting us hard – I've just had it and I might have gone a bit crazy

I’ve just had the flu.

You know you’ve got flu and not just a cold because, well, flu is BAD. REAL BAD. GOD, IT’S SO BAD.

You know it’s flu because even though your whole body is freezing and you feel like Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining, with icicles hanging off your lady moustache, you could cook bacon on your forehead. So you go to bed in your coat, thermals, fingerless gloves and a scarf, but also a cold, damp Minnie Mouse flannel on your forehead.

Your joints contain bubbling acid and your hair follicles are screaming and you have crazy delirious thoughts and dreams because your brain is so overheated.

Even your hair follicles hurt
(Image: Getty)

This last time, I was in bed, my arms and legs jolting around uncontrollably because of the shivering – and my delirious mind kept thinking, ‘OK, as soon as they screw in the new arms I’ll stop shivering.’

And when I woke up a bit later and the shivering had abated, I actually thought someone had given me an arm upgrade in the night. Fevers do very, very weird things. I also got up to go to the loo and thought my toes could send a text message through the carpet.

Let me just send a text with these babies
(Image: Moment Open)

You know you have flu because you think, ‘I’ll just watch TV,’ but actually you can’t even follow the plot of Homes Under The Hammer – too many characters – and Little House On The Prairie – too many bonnets. So you just have to lie in bed sleeping, or staring at the ceiling doing a little pathetic cry, so the tears roll into your ears.

You can’t read because the words just become wicked, vicious ants running around the page to get away from you. And practical jobs like cleaning are totally out of the question, because the hoover is far too heavy and noisy, and even going up the stairs gives you sweaty pits and palpitations, and when you tried to hang out that one sheet you got so tangled up in it you were flailing around in it for 20 minutes like a demented ghost.

So yes, not nice. At all. I’ve got to go now, I’m waiting for my new arms. OK, I might still be a bit under the weather…

Comments

comments

Click here to Read from the source

x

Check Also

In Tokyo meeting, officials seek to forge ahead with TPP even as Canada wavers

TOKYO (Reuters) – As trade officials gather in Tokyo this week to try and forge ...

Shares